Authoritative parenting is somewhat middle ground between permissive and authoritarian styles. Characteristics of the Authoritative parenting include those who:
- Listen to their children
- Encourage independence
- Place limits, consequences and expectations on their children's behavior
- Express warmth and are nurturing
- Allow children to express opinions
- Encourage children to discuss options
- Administer fair and consistent discipline
The effects of your parenting style can determine positive or negative outcomes. According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents:
- Tend to have a happier dispositions
- Have good emotional control and regulation
- Develop good social skills
- Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills
I'm an "eighties baby" and I remember watching television shows and wanting to emulate good/bad behavior and also observing how other parents raised their children. A classic example of authoritative parenting, in my humble opinion, was "The Cosby Show." I know some people will argue that "The Cosby Show" was about about an upper middle class family and majority of the families don't fall into that category but for me, the show allowed me to see that there can be love and discipline in the same household. The kids and the parents might make a few mistakes but overall the love is still present.
First and foremost nice touch adding videos to your blog, it adds entertainment value to an informative topic. I also agree with your point that individuals argue that “The Cosby Show” was about an upper middle class family, but it is true that love and respect was still present within the household. The parents provided a home with rules and consequences to rules that were broken, which is what parents are supposed to do.
ReplyDeleteI do not have children myself, but my brother and sister have small children and I can see that their parenting styles come from how we were raised and it has even rubbed off on me when I get the joyous task of babysitting.
A South Carolina Family Law Blog explains that, sometimes one parent is stricter and has more household rules, while the other parent is more permissive, laid back and/or trusting than the other. When you have parents like this it is easy for a child to manipulate each parent to get what they want. It seems like you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to parenting. There is nothing worse than being around people who are raising children (together or divorced) and they are unable to make cohesive decisions.
First of all I don’t have children and I don’t plan to for a long while down the road. But reading this blog and thinking of it from a child’s point of view, the authoritative parenting style makes sense to me. When I was younger a main problem was that there were no options. One example I can think of right now is that my mom used to make me eat brussel sprouts. She would make them with dinner and would make me stay at the dinner table until I finished them. I hate brussel sprouts…to this day! I’ve even tried to like them as I grew up but those soft cabbage-looking, gross green things are something I will never enjoy. I have no problem with other green vegetables like broccoli or peas, why couldn’t there have been an option to eat those over brussel sprouts when I was younger? It sure would have saved some time! My opinions didn't matter when I was younger and for this parenting style it does. If/when I become a parent this would be the kind of parenting style I would like to enforce. Good blog!
ReplyDeleteThe comment about parents' making similar responses to child's requests and the problems when they don't is absolutely true. My wife and I spend a lot of time working out our ideas on what and how to let Frances do things so that she gets consistent responses to requests no matter which of us she asks. ANd then there is the "well, let's go ask your mother/father" response that covers the bases in case of doubt. A child can spot the divisions between parents instantaneously and exploit them mercilessly, even a great kid like mine. Perhaps it is because we are professors, but we always reason with Frances so she understands why we do things and we always let her make an argument for what she wants. Sometimes she gets what she wants when we aren't too keen but she offers a really good argument. She'd be a great lawyer.
ReplyDeleteChildren are so smart. When I go to one of my friends house, I watch television with her two children while she fixes dinner. They love me until I say something that they do not want to hear, like "stop hitting your sister". Johnny slides off of the sofa and marches like a soldier to his mom and acts like I did not even say word to him.
ReplyDeleteJannie laughs, but I do not think it is funny. He at 5-years old is learning the art of deception. He is on the road to becoming James Bond. He can get all of the girls to swoon over him while he takes their cupcakes at school. You laugh, but it is true!
Jannie tries to be tough when she has to be, but she laughs when Johnny is being bad. Such a fine line in parenting for sure.
@ Cooking or Catastrophe- It's funny you mentioned how a child will manipulate two parents who aren't on the same board regarding rules and boundaries. I see that a lot in my own family. Usually mom is more laid back and nurturing and dad is firm and strict however I don't think these two styles always cause conflict. I agree that the child will manipulate the situation but it's up to the parents to always show a united front on all matters pertaining to the child.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is much more strict than I because he was raised in such a household. On the other hand, I was not. I find my daughter uses me as a buffer for stuff she really wants and is unsure how my hubby will respond; however at the end of the day she knows I don't give her an answer immediately. I always say" Let me consult with your other parental figure and we'll let you know." lol
Thanks for responding.
@Nikki- Thanks for reading. It sounds like your parents went to the same school of parenting as one of my aunts. She would do the same thing but with spinach! She'd make my cousin sit there and eat it even though my cousin hated it. Some parents feel that they must feed you the veggie a few times and then if you don't like it, offer an alternative, but not at first bite :)
ReplyDeleteI feel children should have a voice on eating depending on maturity levels.
@ Cgh- You make a great point of already establishing common grounds with your spouse regarding parenting. My husband and I plan on expanding our family next year and it's nice to discuss now our plans for raising our future children. Good parenting is not for the faint of heart.
ReplyDelete@ Agagrant2- Some people don't understand the consequences for their actions. By laughing at Johnny, mom is only encouraging such behavior which could cause her more problems when little Johnny enters school and is being disruptive in class. Parents shouldn't send mixed signals to kids by laughing at unacceptable behavior.
ReplyDelete