Let's Eat and Play

Most of us are living a fast-paced technologically-advanced lifestyle and are accustomed to getting what we want "quickly". For some, this lifestyle dictates what we eat and because we want everything fast and quick we opt for "fast food" and not the healthy "fast food".  If we then become parents, some of those same traits will be passed on to our children and possibly the next generation.

According to the CDC, childhood obesity affects approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years, therefore it is safe to say that in the U.S, childhood obesity is a health crisis that deserves our attention and more importantly some action.

When I say fast food I'm not speaking only of McDonald's and its counterparts. The grocery store is full of fast processed food like chips,cookies,crackers and candies that contributes to obesity.


Some kids who grew up in the 1980's are now parents themselves and reflecting on my generation's childhood may explain some of the behaviors prevalent today.
For instance, I remember as a kid, I would go outside with my brother and cousins and we'd race up and down the street, ride our bikes and scooters and beg to go to the park. As the 1990's approached, game systems like Nintendo and Sega kept us indoors.


Fast forward to the 21st century and some of those kids who were born in the 1980's are parents themselves. Some don't see an issue with sitting their kid in front of the television and letting them eat and play video games.  Childhood obesity can turn into adult obesity which is linked to such health problems as hypertension, heart attack and stroke to name a few.

Some people won't  read about issues or have access to professionals so they  turn to the television for guidance. Below is a clip from a television show called "Honey, we're killing the kids."
The show's premise is to reveal to parents how their actions and behaviors regarding diet and exercise can negatively impact the child's future. The program goes a step further by showing the parents a computer generated version of their child through adolescence and into mid adult life (around 40 years old) if they continue on the path of bad eating habits and no exercise.

It's hard to get people to change their ways but shows like this are eye-opening and possibly enough to "scare the parents straight".

Sexuality- When is the right time to begin such discussions?

Being a human has its moments. We were all once children and as adults can reflect on our own sexuality as it developed and more importantly how it's evolving. Living in this modern world where sex, discussions of sex or acts leading up to sex are expressed through advertising and different avenues of media 24/7, a parent begs to ask "When should I begin these discussions with my child and how do I go about doing so. I read an article written by Giselle Goetz,Extension Graduate Research Assistant and Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE, Extension Specialist both from Purdue University that offered different great tips and techniques on how to talk with your child about their sexuality. Such tips included:

• Use everyday chances to talk.
• Use simple but right words.
• Don't make a big deal of their questions.
• Talk about bodies but also talk about feelings.
• Teach children what you believe and
  what you think is important.

 Some of the points above imply parents should start discussing sexuality early on and basically keep the discussion open and answer any questions the child has. This way of discussing sexuality coincides with Authoritative parenting style by giving information and dealing with the child's own feelings based off maturity levels.

Michelle Cretella, M.D., Pediatrician who also serves on the Board of the American College of Pediatricians examined and compared authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting approach regarding sexuality and had this to say on the matter:

Authoritative parents, as opposed to “authoritarian parents,” go far beyond a “Just say no” or “Do it you die” approach to teen sexual risk taking. Authoritative parents affirm in word and deed that their children are worthy of unconditional love and respect, and that only abstinence from teen sexual activity will guarantee optimal mental, emotional and physical health. Authoritative parents have ongoing conversations with their children about love, relationships and sexuality.

Overall parents must understand their children become adults eventually. Sexuality is something that's apart of our being and will be carried with us throughout life so why not provide a solid foundation for your child about sex instead of not saying anything at all. In my opinion, it is the parents obligation to help guide and shape their child well into adulthood and beyond.

Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting

Uninvolved parenting also known as neglectful parenting is somewhat self explanatory. These parents require few if any demands on the child and they are neither responsive nor loving. Developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind established the first three theories of parenting styles and researchers Maccoby and Martin expanded the theories into four which includes uninvolved parenting 

Ms.Cherry at about.com says uninvolved/neglectful parents are:

• Are emotionally distant from their children
• Offer little or no supervision
• Show little warmth, love and affection towards their children
• Have few or no expectations or demands for behavior
• Don't attend school events and parent-teacher conferences
• May intentionally avoid their children
• Are often too overwhelmed by their own problems to deal with their children

It seems to me as though uninvolved parents/neglectful parents are leaving their child to figure out how to move about the world without any guidance and support. Heidi Riggio, assistant professor of Psychology at Cal State L.A notes in her article on "Paranoid Thinking,Quality of Relationships With Parents, and Social Outcomes Among Young Adults " that:

Parents serve as important sources of social support during young adulthood, and parental warmth and acceptance have been linked to many positive outcomes in young adulthood, including better psychological adjustment and less loneliness"

Because of the adult's lax in their responsibility of raising a child to become a responsible citizen of the world, the children often:

• Fear becoming dependent on other people
• Are often emotionally withdrawn
• Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence
• Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support
• Have an increased risk of substance abuse

The parents behavior could also be the result of them being neglected when they were children.

With so many elements in play, parents must understand that how they raise and interact with their child will effect the child's interactions with the world around him. As a parent, I can't stress enough the child's need for emotional support and boundaries. 

In my next blog, we can explore newer scripted shows that display other forms of parenting.

On a lighter note, here's a cartoon clip of extreme unresponsive parenting from one of modern day's favorite smut cartoon "Family Guy".

Authoritative parenting- #1 recommended parenting style by child experts

Authoritative parenting is the last theory of parenting that Baumrind established. Her research was expanded to also include negligent parenting, which will be discussed in the next blog.

Authoritative parenting is somewhat middle ground between permissive and authoritarian styles. Characteristics of the Authoritative parenting include those who:

• Listen to their children
• Encourage independence
• Place limits, consequences and expectations on their children's behavior
• Express warmth and are nurturing
• Allow children to express opinions
• Encourage children to discuss options
• Administer fair and consistent discipline

People with authoritative parenting styles want their children to utilize reasoning and work independently, but they also have high expectations for their children. When children break the rules, they are disciplined in a fair and consistent manner. 

 The effects of your parenting style can determine positive or negative outcomes. According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents:

• Tend to have a happier dispositions
• Have good emotional control and regulation
• Develop good social skills
• Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills

 I have a daughter who turned twelve this past Sunday (July 17th) and I've discovered that my husband and I have an authoritative/authoritarian style with our daughter. She understands her boundaries and limitations yet we also encourage her to express her opinion on certain household/worldly issues. I feel it is my job as her parent to "build" her a basic foundation of morals and values and help build up her self-esteem and self-worth. My husband and I answer questions regarding reasons behind some of our actions/decisions and she's allowed to express herself without being disrespectful. 

I'm an "eighties baby" and I remember watching television shows and wanting to emulate good/bad behavior and also observing how other parents raised their children. A classic example of authoritative parenting, in my humble opinion, was "The Cosby Show." I know some people will argue that "The Cosby Show" was about about an upper middle class family and majority of the families don't fall into that category but for me, the show allowed me to see that there can be love and discipline in the same household. The kids and the parents might make a few mistakes but overall the love is still present.

 

 

Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions."

Authoritarian Parenting- Is it better for the child and family?

The next parenting style established by Baumrind is called Authoritarian parenting. Characteristics of authoritarian parenting are listed below:

• Have strict rules and expectations.
• Very demanding, but not responsive.
• Don't express much warmth or nurturing.
• Utilize punishments with little or no explanation.
• Don't give children choices or options.

These type of parents run their households with consistent respect and discipline allowing their children to become acclimated to a daily routine. Some bloggers argue that  "children of an authoritative parent shows a lower self esteem, lacks courage and mostly ends up being an introvert. "

If you read my last blog then you will notice that authoritarian and permissive parenting are two polar opposite ways to raise your child. One is very lenient and the other is very strict.

 Speaking of strict, here's a clip of the show "World's strictest Parents." Again, the show takes unruly kids(who most likely have parents who utilize a permissive approach ) and puts them in the home of strict parents whom rules they must follow.

I must warn you- the episode below is a clip from the show on BBC, which apparently doesn't censor its television so there's expletives said by the "unruly teens". The clip is still great because the kids are from Britain and the parents are from Alabama,USA so there's a cultural difference as well as parental style difference.


It also shows that authoritarian parents can be loving and responsive, opposite of what some people think. Below is the background history of the kids who will live with the new "strict" parents.

Authoritarian parents feel it is their obligation to operate full control over majority of their child's life. The Authoritarian parents from what I've read are usually deeply religious people who govern their household from teachings in the bible. Some people argue that authoritarian parenting is great because the research shows "kids raised by authoritarian parents are not likely to engage in antisocial activities (exp: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs)."

In the next clip the parents meet the "new kids" and they explain the rules of the house. Of course, the teens are opposed to this new standard of living and start to show signs of rebellion early on.

 

The Authoritarian parents divulge their expectations and obligations to their new "family" members and everyone begins the 8 day journey. 

I actually admire the dad's parenting style. He exerts his power in a loving manner and it appears he's genuinely cares about the overall well being of his family.  If I had to place his approach in a category, it would be authoritarian/authoritative. 

 Authoritative is the last parenting style we will explore and discuss in the next blog.

Permissive Parenting- Is it considered "lazy"?

Welcome back to “Parenting in the 21^st Century”. I stated in my last blog we would discuss both shows “SuperNanny” and “World’s strictest parents” collectively ; however I find it best to dedicate one show for each post.

To begin, I’d like to first give you a background on a theory of parenting style called Permissive Parenting.

Diane Baumrind is a developmental psychologist who established three theories of parenting styles(permissive parenting included) based on research she conducted in the 1960’s. Kendra Cherry, psychology educator and writer for About.com, offered a quaint summary shown below:

During the early 1960s, Psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children (Baumrind, 1967). Using naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods, she identified four important dimensions of parenting:

• Disciplinary strategies
• Warmth and nurturing
• Communication styles
• Expectations of maturity and control  

Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles- permissive, ,authoritarian and authoritative.

Permissive parenting is when parent(s) require very few demands from their child(ren). According to Baumrind, "The permissive parent attempts to behave in a non punitive,acceptant and affirmative manner toward the child’s impulses,desires and actions. She makes few demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior..." Cherry further adds "permissive parents are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation."

Let’s take a look at the introduction clip of “Nanny Jo” as she meets the Orm family whom consist of  mom , dad and three sons aged 8,6 and 3. Mom is a classic example of a permissive parent.

I imagine some of you either know a parent like this or was perhaps parented in this fashion but for those of you who don't- count your lucky stars! This household is chaotic yet loving; but mom's permissive parenting style obviously isn't working for her. My heart goes out to her because she has her hands full with those boys. 

I agree with Baumrind  that a lack of structure and discipline could lead a child down a path of disregard for rules and people in a society full of them. Mom and Dad need to get more involved and set boundaries and standards for their boys.

I am the byproduct of a "permissive parent". My dad lived in another state and did so for most of my pre-teen and teenage years and perhaps it was easier for my mom to let me do what I wanted.  For instance, when I was in high school I had freedoms some teens didn't get unless they were already off to college or living on their own. 

As I became a woman and a mother myself, I consider permissive parenting as "lazy parenting." If I had to put my own parenting into a category, it most certainly isn't permissive.  I'll get to my own parenting style in a later blog.

Embedded are links which show Nanny Jo as she arrives to the Orm home for an observation which leads to the sit down talk with the parents as well as suggestions on ways to improve.

Here's a clip that showcases one of Nanny Jo's techniques- Be an example for your child.

 This technique of being a good example for your child by emulating what you want your child to do offers a permissive parent a way to gain some control to make sure her kids have good eating habits without being too forceful.


In my next blog, I'll explore another theory of parenting style called Authoritarian Parenting. To demonstrate characteristics of an authoritarian parent, we'll look at episodes from "World's strictest parents."

Pop Culture's effect on Parenting

Hello everyone and welcome to “Parenting in the 21^st century”!  The intent of this blog is for me to share with you the readers, a perspective on raising kids during modern times. 

Some of my readers are not parents and might say “I don’t have kids, want kids, or I’m just a kid myself” and to you I say don’t leave! Lol you may hear/see something that makes you go hmmm… or even have an “Aha” moment about your life or someone close to you. As for my parents, soon-to-be parents or people who see kids in their future, same applies to you.)

If you would, come with me on a journey through pop culture as we explore two similar yet different television shows, “SuperNanny” and “World’s Strictest Parents”. Some of you may not watch television, or you watch television but not these programs. There’s also some who’ve seen the show once or twice or even devout watchers who record or “tivo” it when away. Here’s the premise of each episode.

 “SuperNanny” is a show in which a British nanny “expert” named Jo Frost is requested to come in and provide advice and/or solutions for parents of preschoolers and/or adolescents.She may help with establishing a household routine, and handling such potential trouble spots as discipline, dressing, ,toilet training,meals, and bedtime.

“World’s Strictest Parents” is on the other end of the spectrum. It deals with two “unruly” teens that are forced to live with a family who has “strict parents”. The new parents for the kids apply their principles and beliefs of parenting to initiate change from the teens.

Very facinating television is an understatement!

My point is there’s scientific theories developed about parenting styles and instead of parents getting their information from more reputable resources,they turn to the tv and seek tv "experts" advice on anything from parenting to health diagnosis.

I have a pre-teen daughter and boy if she’s anything like her mother was when she was growing up, God help us all! I have a long road ahead of me. Lol no, truthfully she’s a great kid and I’ve afforded her with much more opportunities than I had growing up, but believe me-I sleep with one eye open.

On the other hand, don't get me wrong-I’m not implying I had some horrible childhood in which I now require a minimum 15 hour therapy session a week. My mom did her absolute best and I indeed had a “rebellious streak” but she and I can both hold our heads high and be proud of the outcome.

In my next blog, we’ll look at two episodes from each show and discuss.
Thanks for reading!  :)