An exploratory look into sexual communication from a minority standpoint-My final post

 This is my last post and I hope you enjoyed the blog overall. My intent was to enlighten us all on the effects of “Parenting in the 21^st Century.”  Our world is rapidly changing and personally at times I feel like the world is operating at warp speeds! If you have kids or foresee them in your future,please be aware that the media, television in particular, will affect how you parent your child along with your core beliefs,values and personal perspective. As research has noted, “adolescents and children often cite their parents as their preferred source of education about sex, and organized prevention and education efforts continue to advocate active parental involvement in children’s sexual socialization.”

The focus of this final post is a research article from the Family Planning Perspective authored by Miller et.al in 1998. The researchers questioned whether:

 “The findings of past research based on predominantly white samples-namely, that mothers communicate more than fathers, particularly with daughters would also hold true in samples of minority youth. Although previous research has documented differences between blacks and Hispanics in their general parenting style, this is the first study to be conducted among a sample of minority adolescents, who have been identified as being at high risk for several negative outcomes of early sexual activity.As such, this aspect of our analysis should be viewed as exploratory.”

To be eligible for the study, adolescents had to be 14-16-years of age, to identify themselves as black (in either the Montgomery or New York schools) or Hispanic (in either the New York or Puerto Rican schools) In addition, all must have resided with their mother (either biological, adoptive or step-mother) in the recruitment area for at least 10 consecutive years.The final sample for the study consists of 907 mother- adolescent pairs,259 black mother-child pairs in Montgomery, 172 in New York, 260 Hispanic mother-adolescent pairs in San Juan and 216 in New York. There were more adolescent females than males in the sample (57% and 43%, respectively).

Below are ten questions developed from the literature on adolescents and sex education to measure sexual communication between the adolescents and their mother; because both individuals completed this part of the questionnaire, data are available from the perspective of both parent and child.The questions administered to the adolescents , were reworded to allow mothers to report their version of the communication, were:

• ·         Have you and your mother ever talked about when to start having sex

• ·        Have you and your mother ever talked about birth control?

• ·         Have you and your mother ever talked about condoms?

• ·         Have you and your mother ever talked about AIDS or HIV?

• ·         Have you ever talked to your mother about reproduction/having babies?

• ·         Have you ever talked to your mother about physical/sexual development? *

• ·         Have you ever talked to your mother about masturbation?

• ·         Have you ever talked to your mother about STDs?

• ·         Has your mother ever talked to you about how to handle sexual pressure by your friends or potential partners?

• ·         Has your mother ever talked to you about choosing sexual partners?

The same 10 items also were used to assess sexual communication between adolescents and fathers; since fathers were not interviewed in this study, father-adolescent communication data are only available from the teenagers' perspective. Moreover, adolescents who reported that they had no contact with their father were excluded from this part of the study, reducing the final sample size to 770 adolescents.

Another 10 items measured the process of sexual communication between the adolescents and their mothers. For the teenagers, these items, which again were reworded to assess the mothers' perceptions, were

• My mother doesn't know enough about topics like this to talk to me.
•  My mother wants to know my questions about these topics.
• My mother tries to understand how I feel about topics like this.
•  When my mother talks to me about these topics, she warns or threatens me about the consequences.
• My mother knows how to talk to me about topics like this.
• I can ask my mother the questions I re- ally want to know about topics like this.
• My mother and I talk openly and freely about these topics.
• My mother tells me things about these topics that I already know.
•     If I talked to my mother about these topics, she would think I'm doing these things.
• My mother doesn't talk to me about these topics; she lectures me.

These questions and feelings are very straightforward and would be so helpful to both adolescent and parents. Like the research said, most kids prefer their parents be the authority on the topic. The ten questions above allow parents to form a discussion which will be helpful to those parents who find discussing sex uneasy and complicated.

The final results of the study indicated similarities to the findings of earlier research, which concludes mothers and adolescents had modest levels of overall agreement (ranging from 58% to 77%, depending on the topic). When disagreement occurred, mothers were more likely than adolescents to report that such a topic had, in fact, been discussed, a finding that also concurs with those of earlier research.

In other words.the findings let us know overall there aren’t any differences in the data. The bigger picture is the importance of communication with your kids. The adolescent will one day be faced with pressures of the world and as a parent you must be ready and willing to guide your child along the way and hope they grow up and have a somewhat healthy,balanced life.

Thanks again for reading.

Breaking down the barriers when it comes to sex

Some of you may remember as a child “the birds and the bees” talk with your parents while others possibly were not told anything and a few may have gotten all the info with no hesitation. Parenting adolescents and talking about sexual issues and concerns with them may be awkward, but necessary. 

Studies show that adolescents tend to engage in sexual behaviors in a progressive format, from kissing and petting to oral sex and intercourse (Feldman, Turner, and Araujo, 1999); thus, kissing and other gateway behaviors may predict future sexual behavior, therefore it may be important for parents to discuss these issues  prior to adolescence.

Since Parenting in the 21^st century is our central theme, here’s a video clip  from ABC channel 15’s show “Smart Family”. The hosts sit down with an expert to gain advice on the subject.

 According to an article written in the New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, earlier studies to measure parent-adolescent communication about sex include conducting one-item survey questions and relying on one reporter to offer their perspective. This yes-no feedback as well as only the perspective of one person(either child or parent) does not result in very rich or meaningful data.

Therefore, researchers have now developed questionnaires that broaden the definition of what constitutes sex-related communication and are considering variables other than frequency. They are now beginning to contextualize communication about sex related topics within a larger framework of general parent-child communication and are now using innovative methodologies such as videotaped conversations, interviews, ethnography and typologies to understand parent-adolescent conversations about sex.

Below is a episode on “The Tyra Banks Show” which has mothers and their daughters discussing sex. In the episode Tyra poses some very interesting questions and there's commentary between the adults and the teens. The episode even discusses appropriate conversations for the pre-adolescents. I found it extremely sad that a 15 year old revealed that she "thinks" she's had sex with 8 partners! That type of behavior is extremely high risk and examples as such are all reason enough to immerse yourself in your child's life and maintain control as they grow up.

 

Sexual Messages on Television

If you happen to watch T.V from time to time, especially if you have access to cable or watch T.V at night, I'm sure you noticed how much sex is included in story lines and advertisements. Let's face it- when some of us were kids, we portrayed behaviors we felt characters on our favorite show portrayed. Sometimes that wasn't a bad idea-I would say it depends on what behaviors one is trying to emulate. We all remember adolescence as a time of discovery and trying to figure out who we were and where we fit into the world. 

So far, research has proven time and time again that T.V. influences behaviors on adolescent teens.

  In this blog I will explore an article written in 1999 in the Journal of Sex Research by authors Kunkel, Cope and Biely. This study compared the pattern of findings across three studies as an opportunity to identify clear patterns in the portrayal of sexual messages on television.

(Kunkel, et al.,1999)

The three studies examined were the Family hour study(Kunkel,Cope & Colvin,1996) which evaluated programs which aired the first hour pf prime time; the Teen Study(Cope,1998) which assessed three episodes each of the 15 most popular TV series viewed by adolescents aged 12-17; and the V-chip Study(Kunkel et al.,1998), which compared the V-chip rating assigned to TV programs with the actual levels of violence,sex and adult language found in each show.

With regards to talk about sex, the most predominant type of exchange portrayed on television was talk about people’s prospective interest in sex. Conversations may address specific targets of sexual interest,either for the self or others,or may involve general statements or views on sexual topics. The study found that 74% and 72%) of all talk about sex in the two V-chip Study samples, but found comments weren’t as frequent in the Family Hour Study(59%) and Teen Study(62%) data.

Here’s a clip from "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" expressing such conversations.

The next aspect of sexual content addressed was sexual behavior. The researchers noted that this data was more complicated to interpret because of the V-chip Study measured  sexual behavior in contrast of the Family Hour Study and Teen Study.  The latter reported all sexual behavior while the V-chip Study only measured behaviors when they were the primary emphasis.

 The study revealed that majority of the behaviors (86-97%) displayed were “precursory” in nature. They involve physical flirting, passionate kissing, and intimate touch meant to arouse sexual interest. The study also noted that sexual  intercourse only represented a modest amount of all sexual behavior on TV, the mere presence of intercourse was still substantial. Scenes across all studies concluded that sexual intercourse that is strong implied represents the most common approach(83-89%) for TV Story lines.

Finally, the depiction of sexual risk concerns in television content was examined in the Family Hour Study and Teen Study. The researchers measure the presence of three types of risk or responsibility themes which are:

• ·         Sexual Patience-waiting until a relationship matures or until both parties are equally ready to engage in sex

• ·         Sexual Precaution-pursuing efforts to prevent AIDS, STDs and/or  unwanted pregnancy when sexually active

• ·         Depiction of risks and/or negative consequences of unplanned or irresponsible sexual behavior.

The study revealed that only 8% in the Family Hour Study and 14% for the Teen Study included any reference at all to these issues. It was notated in the study that the treatment of risk topics were more common in scenes that contained only talk about sex.

This information is alarming but not shocking, at least to me, because I feel as a culture we've normalized sexual content on television; however I feel more certain that parental controls must be in place.

What are parents' perceptives on talking to preteenage children about sex?

So far on this blog we’ve discussed many different aspects and situations parents will encounter raising their children in the 21^st century. As children become older, parents take on an even more difficult task and that’s raising a teenager. When I was a pre-teen as well as a teen, I would give my mother “trouble” as my aunt would call it. I can still hear my aunt telling me “Wait until you have children of your own, you will then understand the heartache your mother is feeling.”

Parenting can be a daunting task and discussing sexuality is one of those daunting tasks parents must overcome. Like I stated in a previous blog, children will eventually become adults and having a good foundation about sex could lead to a healthy balanced sex life as an adult.

Researchers Wilson, et.al conducted a study in 2007 as part of an evaluation of the Parents Speak up National Campaign which was funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to encourage parents to talk to their children early and often about delaying sexual activity. In this post I will discuss their research methods used and results of the research to further the argument that overcoming the daunting task of discussing sex is worthwhile for parents and children.

Researchers conducted focus groups with parents or guardians of children aged 10-12 and the overall makeup of the participants included:

·         8 focus groups which ranged in size from 6-11 participants

·         67 mothers and 64 fathers participated for a total of 131 parents.

·         Most were recruited by phone

·         Groups were separated by race to facilitate open discussion and to investigate potential differences.

*Age of parents and level of education was also collected.
Four themes emerged in the group discussions which were included:

·         Parents perceptions of the threats to their children from sexual related issues

·         Benefits of talking to their children about sex

·         Barriers to such communication and facilitators of such communication.

Parents “expressed concern about the ready accessibility of pornography on the Internet and cable TV, negative role models on TV, the explicit sexual content of music and video games, and the sexual overtones of advertising.”Participants of the study were also concerned with the risks of new technology such as text messaging and social networks. Some were concerned with the provocative pictures and comments posted on the child’s or the child’s friend Myspace pages. Many felt the new technologies make it more difficult for parents to monitor what is going on in their children’s lives.

One of the main benefits cited to talk with their children about sex was to protect them from “potential negative consequences of sex,including STDs and pregnancy.” Many participants believed parents should talk to their children about sex so they can be the children’s voice of authority on the subject. Others also pointed out that talking to their children is only one aspect of influencing their behavior. They also felt parents should set a good example for their kids, monitor them, instill values, establish rules and enforce discipline; Emphasis was also placed on them being involved in many activities.

Some barriers listed to talk about sex included feeling uncomfortable (39%); thinking that someone else could do it better (37%) and thinking it might encourage their children to have sex (32%).Trying to access what children are ready to hear was another challenge many participants described. Some looked for signs to start discussing sex such as expressing interest in the opposite sex.

Lastly, the participants discussed a variety of factors that could facilitate communication about sex. Such factors included:

·         Developing a good relationship with children

·         Being approachable

·         Creating opportunities to talk

·         Starting the conversation early

·         Using resources

My next blog will further these discussions presented thus far.

What are teens watching on Television these days?

 Technology such as television, Internet,gaming systems,smartphones, etc has revolutionized how some of us parent our kids. For instance, my little cousin was 2 years old when she began watching sesame street videos on you-tube via her mom's smartphone. She's four now and can pretty much navigate her way through her mother's phone. She may even know how to send text messages!

As my little cousin grows up and becomes a pre-teen or a "tween", her choice of television shows will change and it's important for all parents to monitor what their kids watch. Adolescence is an awkward stage that occurs in young people between the ages of 12-18 years old. It's a time of growth and exploration as one begins a journey into adulthood.

As my previous blog stated, television has an impact on the behaviors of parents and now I will explore TVs effects on a adolescent's behavior and since T.V is saturated with some form of sex or sex appeal, I find it interesting to explore what the research has to say on its effect on adolescents sexual behavior.

Below is a clip from the ABC Family show named "The Secret Life of the American teenager" used as an example of what teens today are watching.

 
Collins,et.al(2004) wrote an article in the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics entitled "Watching Sex on Television Predicts Adolescent Initiation of Sexual Behavior". Their research included a national longitudinal survey of 1792 adolescents, 12 to 17 years of age whom were 48% female, 77% white, 13% African American, 7% Hispanic, and 4% Asian or other race. In baseline and 1-year follow-up telephone interviews, participants reported their TV viewing habits and sexual experience and responded to measures of more than a dozen factors known to be associated with adolescent sexual initiation.

As some you may predicted, the results indicated that a "a diet of TV high in sexual content at baseline was strongly related to initiation of intercourse and advancement of non coital activity levels in the following year...however, TV exposure to the risks of sex was related to less progression in non coital behavior."(Collins,et al, 2004). Researchers also discovered in their study that "the factors that were positively associated with initiation of intercourse among virgins were older age, having older friends, getting low grades,
engaging in deviant behavior, and sensation-seeking."

This study reaffirms my own beliefs that parents should exercise control with regards to what their teen is watching on T.V; however, I'm in no way saying that a teen should watch cartoons instead of comedies,dramas etc. With teens, it may be best to watch the shows with them and later use the shows as a way to open up discussions about sex and other teen-related issues.

More discussions about T.V's effect on parenting

As we all know,television has revolutionized our world since its humble beginning in the 1920's. By the 1980's, it was well documented from a theoretical perspective that television modeled parenting behaviors which had an impact on those watching. 

In retrospect, this post will discuss the outcome of a 1985 study conducted by two researchers named Paula W. Dail and Wendy L. Way. In their article titled "What Do Parents Observe about Parenting from Prime Time Television" both women performed a content analysis addressing the following questions:

1. To what extent are parenting behaviors portrayed in family-oriented prime-time television programs?

2. Which types of parental roles (instrumental or expressive) and child rearing pattern (authoritarian,authoritative, and permissive) predominate in family-oriented prime-time television
programs?

3. How do children respond to parental role performance and child rearing patterns in prime-time television programs (positive compliance or negative refusal)?

4. Does the nature of parental role portrayals or child rearing patterns vary according to the sex of television parents?

5. Does the nature of children's responses to parenting behaviors vary according to the type of parental roles or child?

The data for the study included a sample of selected family-oriented prime-time television programs which were videotaped and coded using a modified cluster sampling technique. 

Researchers found a large number of parenting behaviors being displayed which included a total of 955 behaviors reflecting the parental role, 833 reflecting child rearing patterns, and 820 and 508 reflecting child responses leading researchers to conclude that TV has the potential to influence parenting behavior.

Now that we have some research to back our claim that television could have an affect on parents' behavior and child rearing style, what does the research say about T.V's affect on the child's sexual behavior?


In my next blog, I will explore the different sexual messages shown through prime time television and how those messages effect sexual behavior among youth.

Let's Eat and Play

Most of us are living a fast-paced technologically-advanced lifestyle and are accustomed to getting what we want "quickly". For some, this lifestyle dictates what we eat and because we want everything fast and quick we opt for "fast food" and not the healthy "fast food".  If we then become parents, some of those same traits will be passed on to our children and possibly the next generation.

According to the CDC, childhood obesity affects approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years, therefore it is safe to say that in the U.S, childhood obesity is a health crisis that deserves our attention and more importantly some action.

When I say fast food I'm not speaking only of McDonald's and its counterparts. The grocery store is full of fast processed food like chips,cookies,crackers and candies that contributes to obesity.


Some kids who grew up in the 1980's are now parents themselves and reflecting on my generation's childhood may explain some of the behaviors prevalent today.
For instance, I remember as a kid, I would go outside with my brother and cousins and we'd race up and down the street, ride our bikes and scooters and beg to go to the park. As the 1990's approached, game systems like Nintendo and Sega kept us indoors.


Fast forward to the 21st century and some of those kids who were born in the 1980's are parents themselves. Some don't see an issue with sitting their kid in front of the television and letting them eat and play video games.  Childhood obesity can turn into adult obesity which is linked to such health problems as hypertension, heart attack and stroke to name a few.

Some people won't  read about issues or have access to professionals so they  turn to the television for guidance. Below is a clip from a television show called "Honey, we're killing the kids."
The show's premise is to reveal to parents how their actions and behaviors regarding diet and exercise can negatively impact the child's future. The program goes a step further by showing the parents a computer generated version of their child through adolescence and into mid adult life (around 40 years old) if they continue on the path of bad eating habits and no exercise.

It's hard to get people to change their ways but shows like this are eye-opening and possibly enough to "scare the parents straight".

Sexuality- When is the right time to begin such discussions?

Being a human has its moments. We were all once children and as adults can reflect on our own sexuality as it developed and more importantly how it's evolving. Living in this modern world where sex, discussions of sex or acts leading up to sex are expressed through advertising and different avenues of media 24/7, a parent begs to ask "When should I begin these discussions with my child and how do I go about doing so. I read an article written by Giselle Goetz,Extension Graduate Research Assistant and Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE, Extension Specialist both from Purdue University that offered different great tips and techniques on how to talk with your child about their sexuality. Such tips included:

• Use everyday chances to talk.
• Use simple but right words.
• Don't make a big deal of their questions.
• Talk about bodies but also talk about feelings.
• Teach children what you believe and
  what you think is important.

 Some of the points above imply parents should start discussing sexuality early on and basically keep the discussion open and answer any questions the child has. This way of discussing sexuality coincides with Authoritative parenting style by giving information and dealing with the child's own feelings based off maturity levels.

Michelle Cretella, M.D., Pediatrician who also serves on the Board of the American College of Pediatricians examined and compared authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting approach regarding sexuality and had this to say on the matter:

Authoritative parents, as opposed to “authoritarian parents,” go far beyond a “Just say no” or “Do it you die” approach to teen sexual risk taking. Authoritative parents affirm in word and deed that their children are worthy of unconditional love and respect, and that only abstinence from teen sexual activity will guarantee optimal mental, emotional and physical health. Authoritative parents have ongoing conversations with their children about love, relationships and sexuality.

Overall parents must understand their children become adults eventually. Sexuality is something that's apart of our being and will be carried with us throughout life so why not provide a solid foundation for your child about sex instead of not saying anything at all. In my opinion, it is the parents obligation to help guide and shape their child well into adulthood and beyond.

Uninvolved/Neglectful Parenting

Uninvolved parenting also known as neglectful parenting is somewhat self explanatory. These parents require few if any demands on the child and they are neither responsive nor loving. Developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind established the first three theories of parenting styles and researchers Maccoby and Martin expanded the theories into four which includes uninvolved parenting 

Ms.Cherry at about.com says uninvolved/neglectful parents are:

• Are emotionally distant from their children
• Offer little or no supervision
• Show little warmth, love and affection towards their children
• Have few or no expectations or demands for behavior
• Don't attend school events and parent-teacher conferences
• May intentionally avoid their children
• Are often too overwhelmed by their own problems to deal with their children

It seems to me as though uninvolved parents/neglectful parents are leaving their child to figure out how to move about the world without any guidance and support. Heidi Riggio, assistant professor of Psychology at Cal State L.A notes in her article on "Paranoid Thinking,Quality of Relationships With Parents, and Social Outcomes Among Young Adults " that:

Parents serve as important sources of social support during young adulthood, and parental warmth and acceptance have been linked to many positive outcomes in young adulthood, including better psychological adjustment and less loneliness"

Because of the adult's lax in their responsibility of raising a child to become a responsible citizen of the world, the children often:

• Fear becoming dependent on other people
• Are often emotionally withdrawn
• Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence
• Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support
• Have an increased risk of substance abuse

The parents behavior could also be the result of them being neglected when they were children.

With so many elements in play, parents must understand that how they raise and interact with their child will effect the child's interactions with the world around him. As a parent, I can't stress enough the child's need for emotional support and boundaries. 

In my next blog, we can explore newer scripted shows that display other forms of parenting.

On a lighter note, here's a cartoon clip of extreme unresponsive parenting from one of modern day's favorite smut cartoon "Family Guy".

Authoritative parenting- #1 recommended parenting style by child experts

Authoritative parenting is the last theory of parenting that Baumrind established. Her research was expanded to also include negligent parenting, which will be discussed in the next blog.

Authoritative parenting is somewhat middle ground between permissive and authoritarian styles. Characteristics of the Authoritative parenting include those who:

• Listen to their children
• Encourage independence
• Place limits, consequences and expectations on their children's behavior
• Express warmth and are nurturing
• Allow children to express opinions
• Encourage children to discuss options
• Administer fair and consistent discipline

People with authoritative parenting styles want their children to utilize reasoning and work independently, but they also have high expectations for their children. When children break the rules, they are disciplined in a fair and consistent manner. 

 The effects of your parenting style can determine positive or negative outcomes. According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents:

• Tend to have a happier dispositions
• Have good emotional control and regulation
• Develop good social skills
• Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills

 I have a daughter who turned twelve this past Sunday (July 17th) and I've discovered that my husband and I have an authoritative/authoritarian style with our daughter. She understands her boundaries and limitations yet we also encourage her to express her opinion on certain household/worldly issues. I feel it is my job as her parent to "build" her a basic foundation of morals and values and help build up her self-esteem and self-worth. My husband and I answer questions regarding reasons behind some of our actions/decisions and she's allowed to express herself without being disrespectful. 

I'm an "eighties baby" and I remember watching television shows and wanting to emulate good/bad behavior and also observing how other parents raised their children. A classic example of authoritative parenting, in my humble opinion, was "The Cosby Show." I know some people will argue that "The Cosby Show" was about about an upper middle class family and majority of the families don't fall into that category but for me, the show allowed me to see that there can be love and discipline in the same household. The kids and the parents might make a few mistakes but overall the love is still present.

 

 

Authoritative parenting encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions."

Authoritarian Parenting- Is it better for the child and family?

The next parenting style established by Baumrind is called Authoritarian parenting. Characteristics of authoritarian parenting are listed below:

• Have strict rules and expectations.
• Very demanding, but not responsive.
• Don't express much warmth or nurturing.
• Utilize punishments with little or no explanation.
• Don't give children choices or options.

These type of parents run their households with consistent respect and discipline allowing their children to become acclimated to a daily routine. Some bloggers argue that  "children of an authoritative parent shows a lower self esteem, lacks courage and mostly ends up being an introvert. "

If you read my last blog then you will notice that authoritarian and permissive parenting are two polar opposite ways to raise your child. One is very lenient and the other is very strict.

 Speaking of strict, here's a clip of the show "World's strictest Parents." Again, the show takes unruly kids(who most likely have parents who utilize a permissive approach ) and puts them in the home of strict parents whom rules they must follow.

I must warn you- the episode below is a clip from the show on BBC, which apparently doesn't censor its television so there's expletives said by the "unruly teens". The clip is still great because the kids are from Britain and the parents are from Alabama,USA so there's a cultural difference as well as parental style difference.


It also shows that authoritarian parents can be loving and responsive, opposite of what some people think. Below is the background history of the kids who will live with the new "strict" parents.

Authoritarian parents feel it is their obligation to operate full control over majority of their child's life. The Authoritarian parents from what I've read are usually deeply religious people who govern their household from teachings in the bible. Some people argue that authoritarian parenting is great because the research shows "kids raised by authoritarian parents are not likely to engage in antisocial activities (exp: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs)."

In the next clip the parents meet the "new kids" and they explain the rules of the house. Of course, the teens are opposed to this new standard of living and start to show signs of rebellion early on.

 

The Authoritarian parents divulge their expectations and obligations to their new "family" members and everyone begins the 8 day journey. 

I actually admire the dad's parenting style. He exerts his power in a loving manner and it appears he's genuinely cares about the overall well being of his family.  If I had to place his approach in a category, it would be authoritarian/authoritative. 

 Authoritative is the last parenting style we will explore and discuss in the next blog.

Permissive Parenting- Is it considered "lazy"?

Welcome back to “Parenting in the 21^st Century”. I stated in my last blog we would discuss both shows “SuperNanny” and “World’s strictest parents” collectively ; however I find it best to dedicate one show for each post.

To begin, I’d like to first give you a background on a theory of parenting style called Permissive Parenting.

Diane Baumrind is a developmental psychologist who established three theories of parenting styles(permissive parenting included) based on research she conducted in the 1960’s. Kendra Cherry, psychology educator and writer for About.com, offered a quaint summary shown below:

During the early 1960s, Psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children (Baumrind, 1967). Using naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods, she identified four important dimensions of parenting:

• Disciplinary strategies
• Warmth and nurturing
• Communication styles
• Expectations of maturity and control  

Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles- permissive, ,authoritarian and authoritative.

Permissive parenting is when parent(s) require very few demands from their child(ren). According to Baumrind, "The permissive parent attempts to behave in a non punitive,acceptant and affirmative manner toward the child’s impulses,desires and actions. She makes few demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior..." Cherry further adds "permissive parents are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation."

Let’s take a look at the introduction clip of “Nanny Jo” as she meets the Orm family whom consist of  mom , dad and three sons aged 8,6 and 3. Mom is a classic example of a permissive parent.

I imagine some of you either know a parent like this or was perhaps parented in this fashion but for those of you who don't- count your lucky stars! This household is chaotic yet loving; but mom's permissive parenting style obviously isn't working for her. My heart goes out to her because she has her hands full with those boys. 

I agree with Baumrind  that a lack of structure and discipline could lead a child down a path of disregard for rules and people in a society full of them. Mom and Dad need to get more involved and set boundaries and standards for their boys.

I am the byproduct of a "permissive parent". My dad lived in another state and did so for most of my pre-teen and teenage years and perhaps it was easier for my mom to let me do what I wanted.  For instance, when I was in high school I had freedoms some teens didn't get unless they were already off to college or living on their own. 

As I became a woman and a mother myself, I consider permissive parenting as "lazy parenting." If I had to put my own parenting into a category, it most certainly isn't permissive.  I'll get to my own parenting style in a later blog.

Embedded are links which show Nanny Jo as she arrives to the Orm home for an observation which leads to the sit down talk with the parents as well as suggestions on ways to improve.

Here's a clip that showcases one of Nanny Jo's techniques- Be an example for your child.

 This technique of being a good example for your child by emulating what you want your child to do offers a permissive parent a way to gain some control to make sure her kids have good eating habits without being too forceful.


In my next blog, I'll explore another theory of parenting style called Authoritarian Parenting. To demonstrate characteristics of an authoritarian parent, we'll look at episodes from "World's strictest parents."