So far on this blog we’ve discussed many different aspects and situations parents will encounter raising their children in the 21st century. As children become older, parents take on an even more difficult task and that’s raising a teenager. When I was a pre-teen as well as a teen, I would give my mother “trouble” as my aunt would call it. I can still hear my aunt telling me “Wait until you have children of your own, you will then understand the heartache your mother is feeling.”
Parenting can be a daunting task and discussing sexuality is one of those daunting tasks parents must overcome. Like I stated in a previous blog, children will eventually become adults and having a good foundation about sex could lead to a healthy balanced sex life as an adult.
Researchers Wilson, et.al conducted a study in 2007 as part of an evaluation of the Parents Speak up National Campaign which was funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to encourage parents to talk to their children early and often about delaying sexual activity. In this post I will discuss their research methods used and results of the research to further the argument that overcoming the daunting task of discussing sex is worthwhile for parents and children.
Researchers conducted focus groups with parents or guardians of children aged 10-12 and the overall makeup of the participants included:
· 8 focus groups which ranged in size from 6-11 participants
· 67 mothers and 64 fathers participated for a total of 131 parents.
· Most were recruited by phone
· Groups were separated by race to facilitate open discussion and to investigate potential differences.
*Age of parents and level of education was also collected.Four themes emerged in the group discussions which were included:
· Parents perceptions of the threats to their children from sexual related issues
· Benefits of talking to their children about sex
· Barriers to such communication and facilitators of such communication.
Parents “expressed concern about the ready accessibility of pornography on the Internet and cable TV, negative role models on TV, the explicit sexual content of music and video games, and the sexual overtones of advertising.”Participants of the study were also concerned with the risks of new technology such as text messaging and social networks. Some were concerned with the provocative pictures and comments posted on the child’s or the child’s friend Myspace pages. Many felt the new technologies make it more difficult for parents to monitor what is going on in their children’s lives.
One of the main benefits cited to talk with their children about sex was to protect them from “potential negative consequences of sex,including STDs and pregnancy.” Many participants believed parents should talk to their children about sex so they can be the children’s voice of authority on the subject. Others also pointed out that talking to their children is only one aspect of influencing their behavior. They also felt parents should set a good example for their kids, monitor them, instill values, establish rules and enforce discipline; Emphasis was also placed on them being involved in many activities.
Some barriers listed to talk about sex included feeling uncomfortable (39%); thinking that someone else could do it better (37%) and thinking it might encourage their children to have sex (32%).Trying to access what children are ready to hear was another challenge many participants described. Some looked for signs to start discussing sex such as expressing interest in the opposite sex.
Lastly, the participants discussed a variety of factors that could facilitate communication about sex. Such factors included:
· Developing a good relationship with children
· Being approachable
· Creating opportunities to talk
· Starting the conversation early
· Using resources
My next blog will further these discussions presented thus far.
Sounds like a daunting task for sure. I may never know personally as me and my wife are in agreement that children are not for us. This could very well be one reason. I am not sure I would enjoy this challenge lol. In respects to Technology, I can see how many would feel it makes it harder to parent, but with some quick instruction, technology could also be used to a parents advantage. One thing to be sure is that this technology is not going away. If they feel it is a threat then they need to develop a strong understanding of it them self, because the only say to defeat an enemy is to know the enemy.
ReplyDelete@ Pseudodominion- As a parent, I completely understand why children may not be in your future. It is a lot of work raising a person to be a good citizen of the world. Every choice you make affects the child's life.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in the technology that you mention which can be used to a parent's advantage. What technology are you speaking of?
As the mother of a twelve year old daughter, I need to know every measure out that would be advantageous in my favor.
I have parental controls over my television and internet and I don't allow a t.v in my daughter's bedroom. I took away her cell phone because she and her friends were sending inappropiate text messages to each other and I was concerned about what she could be accessing on the internet via her phone.
Parenting is not easy but I love it.
Time is of the essence when it comes to talking to kids about sex. They know more in this day and age than I did in my teens (1980's) years about most everything. The things that I hear kids and teenagers taking about makes my skin crawl. Like your previous comment about texting inappropriate messages. Kids are curious by nature and need guidance about what direction to go. If parents do not get over the uncomfortable feeling of talking about sex and everything that goes with the topic to his/her kid, then maybe talking to his/her pregnant daughter will be much more uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteAlso talking about rape and drugs should piggy back in the conversation. Young girls need to be aware of all of the tricks unsavory boys are going to use on them. Violence and rage are becoming a huge problem in the school place and off campus. I would not want to be young again.
If I was a parent this would probably be the hardest thing to talk to my children about. Is there a right age? If you wait to long to have the talk could it end up being to late for your children? What are you REALLY supposed to cover in "the talk"? My parents never had the talk with me, I found things out from TV, school and friends. When I try to think about what my parents could have said to me I draw a blank. I have no idea how they would have worded any of it. The dilemmas of having the talk shouldn't stop parents from having it all together. The way I see it is that yes, it's going to be an awkward conversation but I would much rather be embarrassed by talking to my kids about sex rather than having my kid get pregnant at a young age. Today so much information is readily available for anyone on the internet, I don't want my kids to flee to the computer for answers, I want them to feel comfortable enough to ask me directly.
ReplyDeleteTalking about sex and sexuality with children is not something that happens all at once and out of nowhere. There are "age appropriate" ways to discuss these things reasonably so you neither mystify things with misinformation nor shock a child with more detail than necessary or appropriate. I'll shock some of you who post here, but my wife and I watch Glee with our 7 year old; she loves the singing and dancing. So do we. We discuss the sexuality as a family and we also discuss things like the magnificent portrayal of disability or the differently abled, a side of the show no one has noticed in this discussion. As many of you have said, this sort of sexuality, sexual behavior, images etc. is everywhere. You can't protect your child by pretending it is not there. We talk about it, frankly, honestly and together as a family. Frances refers to it as "making bad choices." Because Frances is adopted, she knows that her mother is not her biological mother and she asked a couple years ago about the difference. So we explain where babies come form. Otherwise we are dishonest about our relationship with her. She is an intelligent, disciplined, happy child. Knowledge and a whole lot of love are power.
ReplyDelete