Being a human has its moments. We were all once children and as adults can reflect on our own sexuality as it developed and more importantly how it's evolving. Living in this modern world where sex, discussions of sex or acts leading up to sex are expressed through advertising and different avenues of media 24/7, a parent begs to ask "When should I begin these discussions with my child and how do I go about doing so. I read an article written by Giselle Goetz,Extension Graduate Research Assistant and Judith A. Myers-Walls, Ph.D., CFLE, Extension Specialist both from Purdue University that offered different great tips and techniques on how to talk with your child about their sexuality. Such tips included:
- Use everyday chances to talk.
- Use simple but right words.
- Don't make a big deal of their questions.
- Talk about bodies but also talk about feelings.
- Teach children what you believe and
what you think is important.
Some of the points above imply parents should start discussing sexuality early on and basically keep the discussion open and answer any questions the child has. This way of discussing sexuality coincides with Authoritative parenting style by giving information and dealing with the child's own feelings based off maturity levels.
Michelle Cretella, M.D., Pediatrician who also serves on the Board of the American College of Pediatricians examined and compared authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting approach regarding sexuality and had this to say on the matter:
Authoritative parents, as opposed to “authoritarian parents,” go far beyond a “Just say no” or “Do it you die” approach to teen sexual risk taking. Authoritative parents affirm in word and deed that their children are worthy of unconditional love and respect, and that only abstinence from teen sexual activity will guarantee optimal mental, emotional and physical health. Authoritative parents have ongoing conversations with their children about love, relationships and sexuality.
Overall parents must understand their children become adults eventually. Sexuality is something that's apart of our being and will be carried with us throughout life so why not provide a solid foundation for your child about sex instead of not saying anything at all. In my opinion, it is the parents obligation to help guide and shape their child well into adulthood and beyond.
Thanks to shows on MTV like Sixteen and Pregnant and the spin off (yes sadly a spin off) Teen Mom parents need to talk to their children about sex and not allow shows to glamorize being young and pregnant. Discussing sexuality with ones parents can be extremely awkward and the tips you listed can ease the situation.
ReplyDeleteI was recently watching a reality show on the E! Network that dealt with having “the talk” with ones parents. A father was going to the drugstore to pick up his daughter’s medicine and low and behold he purchased birth control. Needless to say he was shocked, and was forced to lay down the law (Authoritative parent) style and handle the situation.
I felt that this scenario plays into your article you used to suggest tips. Not only was the father nervous to talk, he didn’t make a big deal about the questions his daughters had, he was honest. Most importantly I felt he handled the situation with an open mind (after he was calmed down by his wife) and taught his children to make choices for themselves and no one else.
By talking to your children about sexuality I feel that they won’t be propelled to rebel against their parents, they will know how to make the appropriate decision, and be safe.
I agree with you that it is important to teach your children about sex. Abstinence education has proven inadequate and I think that by teaching your kids not to do it, it makes them more curious. Talking to your kids about sex is a great pathway to begin having adult conversations with them.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with the post above that 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom glamorize pregnancy, although that could be because I'm an adult watching the show and not a teenager. I've watched both of those shows and I feel like every one of those girls has some sort of dysfunction whether it be fighting with their spouse, abandonment by their spouse, or legal/money troubles, there is always something. Instead of allowing teenagers to tune in on their own, parents should watch it with their teens. It would help open the door to talk about sex and the parents could use it as an opportunity to discuss the issues that arise on the television shows.
@Cooking or Catastrophe-I've never watched teen mom or 16 and pregnant because I also thought the show might be sending the wrong message that "If I become pregnant, I could be on reality t.v. and be famous." Hopefully the viewers see that the situation is much more complicated and difficult as described by @Dogblogger, especially if you're "16 and pregnant."
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you guys but sex was never an open discussion with my mom. I always felt uncomfortable and judged for my true feelings and curiosities.
Raising a young woman is sometimes difficult for a mom,especially if she's a single mom. Dads are an important aspect and figure that must be present and available for his daughter(s).
Modeling is a sociology term which means learning by observations of others and emmulating characteristics you deem important to you. People obtain social cues from all types of stimulation and t.v is definitely one of them. Shows "model" behavior and people sometimes emmulate the actions of others or learn what not to do.
I think this post and topic is very interesting and will most likely be discussed again in a future blog.
I agree with your post. I think it is important to talk to your kids early on, but I think it should be a continued discussion throughout their earl lives as well. They aren't going to understand everything about sex from one talk, and judging by Today's way of living, your child will have probably had a sexual experience before you could even get the chance to discuss everything with them.
ReplyDeleteParents will have to decide what approach to take on having discussions about sex with their children depending on age. It is important to have those private discussions about sex because children are curious and they will explore. Children need to have guidance in the area of sex and have an open communication with their parents. That way trust is established and the children will not have to learn about sex in their own way.
ReplyDeleteAccording to Erick Erickson's developmental stage of Identity vs. Identity Confusion, adolescents at ages 12-18 will try to find their values. It would be an appropriate time to speak to adolescents at that age because they are trying to discover themselves. Adolescents will be peer pressured into having sex and it is critical to have their parents guidance at that stage. If the adolescents do not have guidance then they can become confuse about their identity.
Children should be education in contraceptive methods instead of just abstinence. There are so many children have children and they are not ready for that kind of responsibility. The youngest child I heard that had a baby was 12 years old.